Valentine's Day is dumb. It's a dumb, mean holiday. Thursday, I overheard three different couples arguing (mostly via cell phone) and realized... it's almost That Stupid Holiday again. Now, as you all know, I'm the Twenty-First century Feminist, kicking ass in great shoes, cooking and baking with glee, demanding equal pay for equal work (so there, Sweatervest!), and insisting that someone with male genitalia due his fair share of the vacuuming and toilet scubbing. But I'm all sympathy for the menfolk around Feb 14th. Honestly, haven't you figured it out yet? THIS HOLIDAY IS A TRAP! Because whatever you do, it's not going to meet your female partner's expectations. Not even close. Brought home flowers? She wanted chocolates, babe. Couples' massage? She was hoping for jewelry. Nice dinner out? Wanted you to cook it. And because of the messed up, unwritten rules of this Very Stupid Holiday, we're not allowed to tell you what we want! You're just supposed to know. Because evedence of telepathy shows that you really, really love us. Come ON! Nazis probably invented Valentine's Day.
Also, The Stupidest Holiday Ever is just mean. Single people hate it. Check that: single women hate it. Single men are just hoping that The Mean, Stupid Holiday will have chipped away at single women's self esteem enough that they'll get an easy hook-up tonight. So who likes Valentine's Day? Creepy single men who have little hope of getting any the rest of the year.
In fairness, Tacky Pink-and-Red Holiday isn't the only mean holiday. Pretty much every commercial holiday leaves somebody out. Christmas? Not your favourite holiday if you have a crapload of people on your gift list and a minimum wage income. Thanksgiving? Not the biggest hit with the Native North Americans, I imagine. Easter? It's supposed to be a "spring" holiday, but it just reminds Canadians how long and crappy our winters are? Family Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Grandparents' Day? Not hard to figure out who might feel left out on these ones. Canada Day? Not a big hit with the JWs.
So what about Hallowe'en? Diabetics probably don't like this one much. Except that they get to dress up like zombies and exact their revenge on candy-eaters by scaring the crap out of them. Same goes for dentists. Okay, okay JWs aren't big fans of this one either. Still, I gotta say, on balance, Hallowe'en wins the Least Emotionally Damaging Holiday award. Of course, that guy (yup, adult. Grown man.) I made cry at the Fort Edmonton Halowe'en Spooktacular by chasing him with a rotary saw, while wearing a black cloak and goalie mask, probably doesn't agree with me. But at least that psychological damage was all in fun. Crappy Paper Hearts and Stale Cinnamon Candies Day is still in last place in my books.
