Monday, June 25, 2007

If I Know I'm an Idiot, Does it Make Me Less of an Idiot?

Okay. I have a pattern: there's something I don't really want to do. Usually something administrative, like filling in my student loan forms, or a funding application, or other paperwork for school. Or my thesis prospectus, or maybe my course description. And I know that really, it isn't that bad, but I don't want to do it. So I put it off. As long as I can. And I start getting anxious. As the deadline approaches, I start finding new and creative reasons not to do it--like absolutely needing to clean out my cupboards. Or weeding the garden. Or reorganizing the shed. You get the picture. Very necessary things that totally trump this looming administrative task. And I start to get worried. It keeps me up at night. I get stomach aches. But I still don't just sit my ass down and do this stupid thing that has me all stressed out until I absolutely have to.
And you know what? It's never, ever as bad as I think it will be. Ever. Take, say, my prospectus. Now, I have a SSHRC. My SSHRC proposal is essentially a draft of my prospectus. But I can't even convince myself to open the damn file for weeks! And then I do, work on it for an hour and a half, and email it off to my supervisor as a first draft. No problem. Suddenly all my stress problems are gone.
Or my course description--I know most of the students won't even read the damn thing anyway, but I wai until the firggin thing is two weeks overdue before I even start work on it! And you know what? It takes me, like an hour. A day later, a few good friends have looked at it, given me their feedback, and the thing is submitted. So easy. Why did I put it off?
Only, the worst thing is, I know I'll just do it again. Anf again, and again, and again, and...

6 comments:

tania said...

you've just described my whole life.

but seriously, doing all that paperwork on time and in good order just means you're caving in to the bureaucracy. and no one should do that, we should fight the bureaucracy for all we're worth.

that's my excuse and i'm sticking to it :)

Becca said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Becca said...

So by procrastinating, I'm sticking it to The Man?
I dig it!

Meagan said...

I hear ya sista! I'm exactly the same way!

Anonymous said...

I am so bad at procrastinating, I will put off going out to do something fun because it means I will have to put some pants on first.

-Phil

Anonymous said...

Wow, Bec. Do you think it's possible we're soul sisters? We're pretty similar here, gorgeous!

--nikki